More Than a Song

Why this release matters

I was swimming laps at a community pool after a long day of working on the upcoming single release. Suddenly, I found myself overcome with emotion as George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord began playing over the loud speakers. At that moment, a flashback of everything I’d been through over the last several years played in my mind like a movie.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of unexpected emotions as I get closer to the single release this Friday. It feels like the culmination of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The word release is really important here. I’m not just releasing a song. I’m releasing years of gritting my teeth and just getting through some really difficult stuff. I’m rounding the corner. I’m moving on—finally—after some really challenging years.

When I started this project in early 2024, I was heartbroken—filled with anger and sadness over my mother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s and aphasia. I was also upset that she had ADHD (and most likely autism) but was never able to get the help she needed because information about these conditions was so far behind. I was upset and felt tremendous guilt that I’d been able to get help, but she didn’t.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to go back in time and change it, but I couldn’t.

Nothing was helping me process these feelings—not therapy, not journaling, not anything. So, I bought a little Fender practice guitar and started writing.

It was a cathartic experience from the very beginning. I needed somewhere to put all the feelings—not just about my mother’s life, but about mine too. All the trauma, all the loss, all the grief, all the “what ifs,” all of the painful realizations about my life and my mother’s. Many of these songs came pouring out almost fully formed. At times, it felt like a spiritual experience.

I’ve always heard and read about the phenomenon of the midlife creative surge. I’m experiencing that. I’ve never been this prolific, and it’s never been this easy. I’m not saying it’s all easy, but I’ve never experienced this kind of flow state for such a prolonged period in my life. Something has changed. I’ve changed.

Writing these songs has healed me in ways I never imagined it would. It’s made me feel in control. I’m owning my story. I get to decide how I want to tell it and how I present it. Then I can release it into the world and let it go. If only I’d known when I was younger that this is what music is for—for me, anyway.

As always, thank you for reading. It really does means a lot.

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