When You Chose

Song #22 - rough demo

Just finished writing a new song - #22.

I haven’t shared any raw demos until today.

I almost did when I first got on Substack, but I didn’t leave them up. This feels different.

I really like this one. It’s a rough take, just a voice memo, and there’s a small vocal slip near the end. I left it. Getting a perfect take in one go isn’t realistic, and that’s not really the point.

I imagine this song building. I hear it growing more intense as it goes.

Lately I’ve been drawn to simplicity, letting a song breathe without overworking it. This one leans into that, but it also has a darker edge. I’ve always been pulled toward songs that feel a little haunting.

Most of what I’m writing right now is somewhere between alt-country and indie rock. I’ve been picking up my electric guitar more, and this one feels right for that.

Letting go of perfection is still hard for me. I was raised to get everything right — what I did, what I said, how I looked. Sharing something this raw is hard for me.

But this is part of the work.

This song is about the ripple effect of people’s decisions, and what happens when you let those decisions shape your life for too long.

I’m trying to step out of that. To unmask. To figure out how to be myself.

Anyway — here it is.

When You Chose

First take with the vocal flub near the end

I added a version with a clean vocal and a longer bridge.

Lyrics

I don’t know if I’m awaking

still can’t see through this fog

someone else is calling

calling me back to where I was

back to where I use to be

a place and time that was free

life was simple it was easy

but you put an end to that

when you chose

I was myself

but only for a short time

life derailed when it hit

then I took the longest ever trip

I had it all in hand

but someone else’s curse it landed

smacked me down and turned me around

all because you made that error

when you chose

when you chose

now I have this chance

to make up for your choosing

this time I choose myself

because this was never my movie

I’m stepping away

heading down my own road

I’m lighting the match

and then I’m moving forward

I’m gonna choose

I’m gonna choose

I’m gonna choose

Thanks for listening. It means more than you know.

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